Wunderwaffe
by Leo The Lucario
Summary: A Call Of Duty: Black Ops Oneshot based on the Zombies map: Kino Der Toten. Based on an actual Xbox Live match that involved arguing and stealing kills, but the characters talk instead. Story is better than any summary I can think of.


**Author's Note: So I made this Fanfic because an online match I was playing got out of hand. I will tell you readers of what really happened after you read the story. And with that, we begin!**

Wunderwaffe

"Take that, you undead flesh-addicts!" the 'American War Hero,' Tank Dempsey, yelled as he fired his Zeus Cannon into a hallway full of zombies.

"Dempsey!" Doctor Edward Richtofen yelled with an annoyed tone. "Stop vasting your ammo on my minions! Zhese ones are mine!"

Nikolai Belinski sighed, finishing off yet another of many Vodka bottles and bashing it into the skull of a nearby zombie. "As long as he doesn't shoot my Vodka, he can kill as many as he wants."

Takeo Masaki accurately fired his upgraded G11 into a small crowd of zombies, picking them off easily and expertly. "Do not start arguing again." He said as he reloaded. "I have had to hear you two bicker about money and kills for the past five rounds, and I have had about enough of it."

The four men were able to make it to "round" sixteen, and there was lees arguments going on. Everyone, except for Richtofen, now had a Ray Gun and an upgraded weapon.

"Come on, doctor." Takeo said, sticking a syringe into Richtofen's arm. We need you to distribute honor still." He looked around the stage they were on, and he noticed the Mystery Box. "Now is your chance, doctor. Use the box, and I will cover you."

Richtofen nodded, still angered that he had been downed. Dempsey had been taking all his kills again, and the doctor was so infuriated that he became cornered and fell quickly as Dempsey sniggered at him.

Richtofen tapped the box and it opened, playing a lottery-type music. "Yes! Zhis is vunderbar!" he practically yelled as he switched his spent MP40 for a brand-spanking-new Ray Gun.

Dempsey smirked as he saw the doctor's new weapon. "And here I thought you didn't want a Ray Gun over five minutes ago!

Takeo rubbed the back of his head as he finished reloading his upgraded RPK. "Not this again…" he muttered to himself.

Richtofen glared daggers at Dempsey every chance he got. "Vell I have to use somezhing to take back all zhe kills you stole from me!"

Dempsey laughed at the doctor and went back to what he did best: Killing zombies and getting paid. "And who was it that killed my Crawlers when I told you not to?"

Nikolai was off in a corner, holding his head in his hands. "Do you guys have to talk so loud? My eardrums are pounding!" He got out another Vodka bottle and began downing it, already feeling its comforting effects.

Richtofen put his hands up defensively, still talking to Dempsey. "Zhere vere at least twenty of zhem! I vould have been overwhelmed if I didn't take zhem out!" He put his hands down and shot his Ray Gun at some zombies that were almost on top of Nikolai. "And hurry up and get over your hangover!"

"See ya!" Richtofen laughed manically as he used the teleporter.

Alone.

"He wouldn't." Dempsey said as he aimed down the sights of his upgraded Ray Gun.

"He couldn't." Nikolai said as he searched in his rucksack for another Vodka bottle.

"He did." Takeo said, already shooting at rushing zombies.

"That son of Bitch." Nikolai said as he unloaded his upgraded Commando on the horde. "If I ever get my hands on him…"

"What?" Richtofen said as he threw an ocean of grenades down onto the theater. "I can't hear you over zhe sound of my minions screams!"

Dempsey scowled in the direction of the Projector Room as Richtofen continued yelling. "Now who is zhe one who is stealing zhe kills?"

They were nearing "round" twenty-three when Richtofen got downed again. "Hello, I need some assistance please!"

Dempsey just smirked as he ran the other way. "Oops, I'm running the other way! Silly me!" he said sarcastically.

Nikolai was in the Lower Hall trying not to get overrun. "Sorry, I have my hands full of Vodka and zombies. Maybe Takeo can get you from the Stage."

Takeo heard this, as he was in the Alley, and Nikolai practically screamed in his direction. "Why does he get downed so much? Is it because he still thinks he can control them?" he said to himself as he ran towards the Stage, killing any nearby zombies with his now upgraded Ray Gun.

"Everyzhing is turning red! Hurry somebody!" Richtofen nearly screamed his head off as a certain American tried to stifle a laughs.

"Almost there, hang on!" Taskeo said as he killed wave after wave of zombies. He was running low on ammo for both of his weapons, and only had a few more syringes. He had use over half his stock on Richtofen, and only one on Nikolai.

"Vhat is zhis feeling?" Richtofen said as his vision turned to black. "Did zhe voices tell you to save me yet?"

"No, I am too late." Takeo said as he saw the body of Richtofen disappear before his eyes. He ran over to Dempsey, who was sitting on top of the Mystery Box in the Dressing Room.

"Sup, Takeo. Want some Speed Cola?" Dempsey said, offering Takeo a bottle with green liquid in it. Takeo knocked the bottle out of Dempsey's hand, hitting the ground and shattering, spilling its contents onto the cracked and rotting wood floor.

"That was most dishonourable!" Takeo yelled in Dempsey's face now. "So what if he distributed honor more than you, so what! So what if you have enough money to use the Mystery Box as many times as you like, so what! He was an ally, as unconventional as he was!"

"And now the doctor is gone." Nikolai said as he entered the Dressing Room. "And he was going to give me Vodka too! You-" Nikolai pointed a finger at Dempsey. "-are a true son of Bitch."

Dempsey didn't even blink as he got up from the Mystery Box and shot his Ray Gun inches to the side of Takeo's face.

"Why you-" Takeo started, but then Dempsey pointed behind him. Takeo looked back to see a headless zombie on the ground, the clothes of which seemed oddly familiar.

Then, in a flash of light, Richtofen stood before them, having an annoyed look. Takeo stood between Dempsey and Richtofen, already sensing another argument about to surface. "If you both do not stop it right now, I will permanently seal us in this Cinema of the Dead."

"And how in high hell would you do that?" Dempsey said, obviously annoyed that he would have to stop his bully antics.

Takeo smirked. "Like this." He then unsheathed his Katana and walked casually to a support beam. In one fluid motion, he severed it. As if on cue, the ceiling began creaking loudly.

Dempsey's and Richtofen's eyes went wide, as Nikolai kept drinking his Vodka. "Fine, I'm sorry Richtofen. Water under the bridge right?" Dempsey said, extending a hand. Takeo smiled as he sheathed his blade. His plan had worked.

Richtofen sighed and took Dempsey's hand and shook it. Then suddenly, he felt a sharp pain in his groin area. He fell to the ground, holding himself as Dempsey laughed out loud. "That's it then. Happy now, Takeo?"

Takeo sighed. His plan had worked, even if it was to a degree. And he had to admit, Dempsey kicking Richtofen in his "Wunderwaffe was pretty funny.

**Author's Note: Took longer than expected to write this up. Kept getting distracted by Youtube.(Watching Through the Fire and Flames on a Toy Piano and the Halo Theme on Electric Guitar) Anyways, what really happened was I(Mr Danger Jorge) was playing on Xbox Live with my friend GhostPhantom6. We joined a match with JAYskurdoodle and his Split-screen player. I was Takeo, Ghost was Richtofen, JAY was Dempsey and the Split-screen player was Nikolai. All was good until Jay decided to take Ghost's kills. Ghost would have none of it, and started arguing and cursing until I told them politely to shut the hell up or I would leave the game. Then, they decided to keep quiet, and we made it to round twenty-eight, I believe. So yeah, that's about it. Review if you want, and if you do, I accept criticism. Also tell me if there is a spelling mistake or grammatical error. I really hate those. Thanks for reading! And thanks to CBA Logging In for the grammatical error check!**


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